MOTHER'S DAY - A reminder of loss

This Mother’s Day I wonder if you would consider women, for whom this time of year must be difficult. Women who have miscarried or lost unborn children, women who have lost babies that were born but spent too little time here on earth, women who struggle with infertility, and women who have lost their mothers.This really is not a pity party, it is a hope to enlighten masses who have never been challenged to think this way.
As I write I remember of my friend, Tinu, who recently miscarried. She told me that when she passed the racks of her infant’s clothing, she nearly wept. It is without a doubt that Mother’s Day will be a challenging time for her as it is for many mothers without their children—mothers like her.
This was her second baby who died of a random genetic abnormality, just moments after he was born. Since then, She has approached Mother’s Day with mixed emotions. “At first, the day made me feel like a failure as I asked myself, What did I do wrong?, Then, as the years passed and I had another baby, Mother’s Day regained some degree of joy. Still, two years later my heart continues to ache for my second born.”
Tinu’s son died in her arms moments after his birth. His short life transformed every part of who she is.
 

Mother’s Day is a challenging celebration for any woman who has experienced the death of her child. She may feel isolated, sorrowful and even confused about her claim to motherhood. Mother’s Day is one of many triggers that will remind her of her baby and the milestones and future that will never be. A trigger can be anything that causes the bereaved to reflect on their loss; a name, location, smell, anniversary, article of clothing—or even a bunch of balloons that boast, ‘Mumma’ in colorful letters.
Mother’s Day may be a painful trigger for bereaved moms, it is also an opportunity to celebrate these women and their children to honour them this Mother’s Day. While a dozen roses and a box of chocolates may be nice, to show care through a meaningful and relevant gift:
*Celebrate the mom who carried her baby, no matter how briefly, and is strong enough to wake up each day and keep going after the death of that child.
*Recognise her by wishing her a ‘Happy Mother’s Day” she is a mother and deserves happiness. Let her know you are thinking of her.  
*Celebrate the child, talk about the baby that died and use the child’s name. Look at pictures and discuss the experience. bereaved mothers will generally commemorate the anniversaries of the baby’s birth and death, but Mother’s Day provides another cherished opportunity for remembrance.
*On a day that is likely to be lonely for the bereaved mom, instead of a card in the mail, give the gift of time. Your attention and friendship will create a lasting impact. Have lunch in a restaurant or create a new memory together.
*The mother may wish to visit her child’s gravesite, light a candle or scrapbook the baby’s footprints.
*You can even make a donation to a hospital or charity in the child’s or mother’s name.
Doing these activities with the bereaved mother will be quality time she will greatly treasure. In the case that the mother wishes to be alone, suggest another time to do something meaningful together.
*Ask the mother how she is coping and welcome her vulnerability. The best approach is to let her do the talking. Know that you do not need to solve the event or fix the emotions; these things need to be experienced and expressed and this is often helpful in itself.
A woman never stops being her child’s mom, whether her baby is with her or not. Bereaved mothers have survived excruciating pain and yet carry on. This bravery deserves recognition—especially on this Mother’s Day.

Comments

  1. Very nice article.. I happened to remember one of my colleague.. Who has also gone through similar unfortunate incident.. However god was kind to her in second time.. Well written naomi.. Great article

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