Confessions 2021
Life isn't about waiting for the Storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain...
So it starts with me, it is only when I started to realize that nothing can bring you peace, but yourself.
Confessions 2021:
Recently a fit of events took place in my life, I was suffering from fits of depression that would range from working over 14 – 18 hour straight without breaks, to long sobbing on my pillows, to sitting in my bathroom and doing nothing, cutting off from the entire social media world to randomly posting all at ones and then feel the hollowness in my heart.
I did everything I could to try and get through that sad feeling — engaging in all possible hobbies I had known my entire life, attending random empowering events, being around my close ones and family — but nothing seemed to work.
Meanwhile, life wasn’t through drizzling on me. I was diagnosed with PCOS and record-breaking Hypothyroidism. I had gained weight (almost 14-15kgs just in 8-9 months). This was the first time that I would experience any kind of sickness that I was depending entirely on medicines, so I was distraught over facing such a strenuous reality.
To fear death is natural in human beings. It’s the only certainty that we face. “Challenging” would be an understatement to describe the Tsunami that was bellowing in me.
Having no control over my emotions was exhausting. I was at my weakest and I needed help to get me through.
I had become so numb from everything that I finally reached a breaking point and collapsed emotionally? The answer to them all was no.
It dawned on me as if waking from a dream. Learning to manage my emotions allowed me to embrace reality gave me a strength that will define me for the future. I was becoming a new, empowered being.
The rain had been thoroughly pounding me on the head. But now, I had learned, the rain was treating me like a flower, preparing me to bloom.
I have become more adaptive to the painful emotions due to all my experiences. That doesn’t mean I’m invulnerable to them — far from it. It simply means that the knowledge I have now will allow me to face future challenges wisely. When life keeps giving you its toughest blows, it will help to:
Experience your emotions.
The largest mistake people make is masking their emotions. This is counterproductive and will lead to health problems in the future. When each emotion comes, feel it. Your body will tell you when it’s enough. Cry, scream, and cry again. Let it out and submit it to the beginning of a process that will take time to complete. To feel is to be human, embrace it!
Challenge your perspective.
Life isn’t always going to be on a downward spiral. When it is, you can find ways to focus on the positive instead of the negative (excluding the corona +ve. Perspective plays a key role in acceptance. Here is what I used to help: Concerning my job dissatisfaction, I told myself: I did excel in whatever I was put through, but I had to wait for the right time, even if it takes me a decade to reach the place I want to. I must upskill in networking, be a better and kinder human at work and not rely on the best data or results. Regarding my failing relationships with family and friends: I gave them all a benefit of the doubt that I no longer existed, and the right ones stick around to the end
Surround yourself with the right influences.
During these times you’ll find out like I did, that there are some people you can count on and some you can’t. Take this opportunity to weed out those in your life that may be holding you back. For those who have family and friends to lean on, use them. If you don’t have anyone to lean on, reach out to a therapist. I have a great therapist and family. I cherish them both. If that doesn’t work, focus on building new positive relationships. I’ve made several new friends lately that have been a breath of fresh air in my life.
Stay (or become) active and avoid negative coping mechanisms.
It’s useless to focus all your energy on events that you no longer have control over. Instead of wasting time in this way, get active in your everyday life. See how you feel after a week of jogging for ten minutes a day. Jogging not your thing? Find something else. Get interested in an activity that gives you a spark. Mine was painting and creating happy content. Meanwhile, if you are bang on dealing with anxiety or depression, sadness, or anger, stay away from alcohol and substances, which will only magnify your pain. You are not “drowning” your sorrows. Instead, you are providing them with fuel.
Accept and forgive.
Holding onto hatred and resentment only poisons you. It keeps you forever trapped in the past, focusing on an element that you’re letting define who you are today. Learn to let go. This is easier said than done, of course, and it’s not something that will happen overnight, either. The only way to truly learn to let go is to let time heal. You’ll know when you get there. Accepting that life will eventually knock you hard on your rear is a stepping stone to growth. Constantly trying to avoid hardship and pain will only prove detrimental to you. Despite all the pain, I experienced in a six-month timeframe, I now see this beautiful life I have been blessed with through an exciting new lens. Each experience, each moment that you have is precious and dear. I challenge you to make the best out of even the worst circumstances. Like me, you may be amazed at the power, wisdom, and strength you gain after maintaining a positive drive.
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